Oswestry bacon thief caught

At last, the man behind the series of naked, bacon grab and run offenses around Oswestry has been caught and will be sentenced on Tuesday. Community Support Officer, Spencer Fudge, apprehended the meat snatcher whilst on his way into a local store on Victoria Road.  "As I was entering the premises, the offender was attempting to make a quick exit with approximately 19 packets of quality bacon. Upon assessing the situation in an instant, my reaction was to apprehend the individual". Officer Fudge talks in this way because he is nearly a proper policeman and proper policeman talk this way to sound like they know what they are doing.

Several local shop owners are keeping their fingers crossed that Mr Oat Walker's sentence on Tuesday won't be too lean.

Bacon nut, Oat Walker