Middle class homeless people invade Oswestry parks

Steps are being taken to remove a number of middle class homeless people from concrete pipes in parks all over Oswestry at the beginning of next week.
Councillor Marvin Bennett is believed to be furious that the suited layabouts even presumed that they could get away with it. "One of them even had a solid silver cork screw" he remarked. "Imagine a toddler falling on that - its disgraceful. I didn't think they would stay for long because there is nowhere to charge a beard trimmer but they have been wet shaving in the pond by the toilets in Cae Glas park."

A lawyer acting on behalf of the suave degenerates is said to be applying for permanent residency orders which could take anything up to 8 months to be granted or rejected. Locals have already smeared excrement on the pipes and police are doubtful the situation can be contained for much longer.

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