Magnetic man killed at Whittington crossing


Ahmed Mahmahabad from Hampton road, pictured below collecting spoons for the British Ironworks who intend to make a huge, metal Uri Geller for a Gorilla, was found dead on the railway track at the crossing in Whittington today.
It is believed that Ahmed has, over the last 20 years, had extremely powerful neodymium magnets planted under his skin in order to perform "magic", like getting spoons to stick to him. It is believed that he recently recovered from surgery that involved planting magnets in his feet for a "special" trick where he slid, upside down along an iron girder.
He apparently exploded on impact with the train and could only be identified by parts of his feet which were still stuck to the tracks.